Reading tips:
1. Familiarity with the outline of the Purim story is recommended for full laughter factor. Click here for wikipedia plot summary
2. Names and terms related to the classical Purim story are (✶1,2,3…) referenced at the end.

Once upon a time
in the great United States
of Purse-ia (as of Persia),
there ruled Akhashbenbernake✶1
the head of the fed.
In his magnificent capitol city of Washushan✶2
he threw a huge gala for all who were down.

When he demanded that
his queen Vashti✶3 chairwoman of S.E.C
(Securities and Exchange Commission)
present her nakedness to his company,
she said no way Jose,
thinking she could get away.

Have you ever heard of a greater travesty?
Out went Vashti of the S.E.C.
in search of a new destiny.

The head of the fed appointed HAMAN✶4
(short for: Home? A Mortgage? A Never-never-land!)
as chief economic advisor to the crown.
HAMAN the fine, was into sub-prime,
making a dime, and havin’ a good old time.

Esti✶5 Pelosi, or Nancy for short,
now the new queen
in Washushan held court.
Crisis looming, cousin Obamordechai✶6 begged,
“dear Esti, dear Esti, raise hell, ring a bell.
Many a kosher home are being pork-closed.
The poor Jews are in danger and so is their tender,
not to mention all others no matter their gender.
Credit is drying, great is the crying.
What can you do?” Yes you can, yes you can.

“Anything you can do I can do better,
but here is a challenge I better have not.
You my wise cousin what do you preach?”

“Go to bed with the fed oh Esti, dear Esti,
raise interest, trade assets,
prepare to give birth,
to a stimulus package.”

“Dear king of Washushan my sugar my daddy,
a plea for you at this time I carry.”

“Yes my beloved what is your request
half of the GDP would be your bequest.”

“An evil sub-primer, sub-primate, sub-human
is out there to evict me, convict me, suck me dry.
He’s intent on subjecting kosher balabatim
(Yidish for home-oweners)
to awful pork-closers
while shrimping their life-savings,
oh my.”

“Let me guess that must be,
the asset toxic Haman,
who bundles and fondles and can’t get enough.”

Said the fed: “off with his head.”
Let Obamordechai now rise from the dead
and ascend to the crown of Washushan town.

A new day of rememberance was then instituted
in the united states of Purse-ia,
to forever recall,
that while purses were rather empty,
hope prevailed despite un-certainty…
That change could be found
in each purse, in each pot,
inevitable change believe it or not.

Cause’ of the gambles
that left us in shambles
this holiday was named (Purim) lottery,
should ever again we be tempted
to invest in shards of pottery.

Rabbi Reuben Modek

The classical Purim story characters:
✶1 Akhashverosh - The king of the Persian empire who divorced his first wife Vashti to marry his second wife Esther the Jewess.
✶2 Shushan - The capitol of Persia in which the principle of the Purim story takes place.
✶3 Vashti - Akhashverosh’s first queen.
✶4 Haman - The evil advisor to Akhashverosh the king who chose a date by lottery on which all Jews would be killed.
✶5 Esther - A Jewish woman who was chosen to become Akhashverosh’s second queen. She was Mordechai’s cousin.
✶6 Mordechai - Queen Ester’s uncle who uses his influence with his niece to eliminate Haman’s hateful designs. He ends up replacing Haman as chief advisor to the king.

For the original Purim story in English click here